LEGACY OF LOVE

The Parents I know
When I think about my parents I realize that I don’t really know much about them, beyond what I remember from my childhood …bits and pieces of memory; not exactly superficial but not enough to enable me to write a good story about them, what more a memoir.

About Mother
My mother’s name is Majmin binti Aboo Bakar. Funnily, her name appears differently in a few different identification documents. I don’t know whether the fault lies with the authorities who were in charge of generating the details on paper, or with us who should have been more cautious and should have taken greater responsibility when receiving or verifying the documents.

Her ID stated that my mother was born in Sungai Gelugor, Penang on 21 September 1923. Her father, Aboo Bakar bin Zainal Abidin was a clerk with the government department. During that period this position was considered pretty important among the small community in Sungai Gelugor. Her mother Che Chik @ Aishah, a home maker was the only daughter of a highly respected couple, Tajudin and Zubaidah.

Her Childhood
From the formative years, her maternal grandmother was a key influence in my mother’s live. Her mother died when she was twelve, and her father remarried soon after. Her grandmother, Zubaidah then took over the caring of her late daughter’s children . Word has it that this lady had a dominant character, and was a powerful yet caring matriarch not only within her immediate family circle, but was renowned beyond that sphere. Apart from being a doting mother, she spent most of her life taking care of nephews and nieces, grandchildren, siblings, and ailing relatives whom she chose to adopt when they are in need of special care. Most were said to have passed away peacefully after years of tender care – and practically everybody was considered a relation.

Her Marriage
My mother married my father Yusoff, at the age of 14; a special arrangement made by her grandmother who was also a skilled matchmaker, among her many talents. The age factor did not become a legal issue then. My father was only 20. People reached maturity faster when times are tough…I believe.

My Father
Coincidently, my father Yusoff was born in 27 September 1916 in the same house in Sungai Gelugor. They were distant cousins. When he was still a child, his father Haji Hassan bin Abu Bakar moved over with his family to the Northern State of Kedah to take up the post of a teacher in Alor Star. His mother Rathuan binti Yong Mohamad Said was believed to be related to the old Perak Royal family. She died in childbirth when my father was very young. In 1950, his father died leaving him with a step mother and young siblings to care for, apart from his own five children.

His early years
My father spent most of his youth in the district of Seberang Perak in Kedah and after completing his secondary education started work in the postal service. When he had to retire early due to a very serious ailment, he brought the family to settle in Penang. The house in Bukit Gelugor where we all grew up in is filled with a vast collection of memories - some tearful, a few terrifying instances, many hilarious moments but mostly happy ones – for me, at least.

The LOVE between them
Their love story began only after their marriage. And to this day, I will never forget how much love there was between my parents though there were quarrels and complaints. When I was still a teenager, after hearing the incessant grumblings my mother would shower on my father, I asked him once how he could continue to take it. He looked at me calmly and said, no one knows the wonderful things she has done for him…giving birth to his fourteen children, taking care of all of us and him as well. He owes her so much and can never repay her for all the things she has done and been to him. Her crabby complaints are harmless – just her way of releasing stress. Back then, being both a a hot and hard- headed teenager that I was, it did not mean much to me. But now, when I recall those words again, I cannot help the tears …what a truly, lovely man...I LOVE YOU BAPAK!

What Ramadhan Means To Me

The act of fasting
I love Ramadhan not because I enjoy fasting that much. To be honest, I am not that good at it. I get cranky when I am hungry on normal days, but in Ramadhan, I can take it just... a little bit better. And what I find trying, is the thirst and the dry- mouth effect. I suppose that’s part of the whole cleansing exercise – body and soul.

Memories of Ramadhan gone by
What I love about it is the nostalgic memories of childhood fasting Ramadhan brings with it. I remember the times we got up for the pre-dawn meal or “sahur” which was hilarious. It was a chore waking up my brothers for sahur especially De (pronounced as Dare) & Dat. You pull their blankets off, they will curl up in a ball; you make as much noise as possible, and they are not affected at all – it is as if they are not in the same world. Last trick is sprinkling water; even that would not work with De . He will just wipe his face on the bed sheet and doze off again.

The final strategy is to drag him to the dining table. For this, it required precision and great teamwork. Although he did not weigh as much then as he does now, he was still pretty heavy years ago for scrawny children the likes of my sister Zu, my brother Ba, Yatdean (the baby of the family) and I. When we got him to the table, we had to make sure he stayed there and did not make an escape back to the bedroom. That took a lot of energy. But we had fun.

Remembering the times with father
I cherished times of breaking fast, with my late father at the head of the table reciting the brief prayer once the drums from the neighborhood mosque could be heard. And my siblings and I, we just could not wait any longer…half of our glasses would be empty before he finishes his prayer.

Reminiscing about my childhood, I always remembered how poor and deprived we were. We did not get new clothes on a regular basis or presents or toys like other kids. But come to think of it, there has never been a time when we did not have food to eat. My parents always ensured that there was always enough – not gourmet stuff, but palatable and nourishing food. When I think of how my father with a small pension (he had to take early retirement due to health reasons) managed to do that for a family of fourteen, I am amazed. He must have been a whizz with money management.

My prayers and hopes
These days, the month of Ramadhan spurs my resolve to strengthen my spiritual experiences. I consider it apt to start to be more giving and considerate during this beautiful month. I find more peace at night, maybe because I get back earlier from work and have more time for myself. I get to perform the special “Tarawikh” prayers at the mosque or at home if I cannot make it to the mosque.

And I get to pray more for my beloved father who has been gone for more than 20 years but never forgotten. And for my mother who is bedridden; and my sister Mimi who helps take care of our mother with selfless devotion.

And this is the time when I have faith that god will guide me and grant me the strength to be a more compassionate, supportive and loving wife, mother, sister, friend, colleague and human being . Amen!

HAPPY TO BE ME

Feels Good to Write Again
It’s been too long since I last posted something on my blog…gosh, it has been ages! The last article talked about my disappointment with AAM and glowing accounts on how my son took charge and saved the day. Ha ha ha! Talk about being the proud mum, no one sees you the same way your mum does eh?
Anyway a friend made a remark about that article. It seems that I should not be allowed to drive since I cannot even attend to the first essential requirement of a credible driver - change the tyres in an emergency; it is downright criminal, he says. Well, FRIEND - I have news for you! No where in the world is there a law which stipulates that someone will only get his/her driving license only after demonstrating that he/she is capable of changing the tyres.

Being Mechanically Challenged
On the other hand, I can see a tinge of merit in his statement. Being independent and fully in control of the situation wherever you are make a lot of cow sense. Changing a tyre does not require skills or knowledge in automobile engineering (never mind that I was struggling with even fundamental physics in university) but it is the physical exertion that I have a problem with. I confess - I am mechanically challenged. Anything that requires manipulation of objects, involving the usage of my hands to work manually or to craft physical items such as ornaments and stuff – I end up with all thumbs. I would need more time to learn most psychomotor skills then other people and mastering them would require endless practices and repetitive drilling, which I find almost nauseating, really .
Although I have always cleverly managed to dodge having to do them, there have been times when I agonize about it, feeling a sense of failure for not being good at things even some eight year olds can master. Seriously - I even had to ask for help from my little nephew when I had difficulties using a particular can opener once. How embarrassing can it get?

A Revelation
But the turning point for me was after reading the book Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton. I am now so totally cool with being mechanically challenged because I discovered strengths and talents which I have always taken for granted and considered trivial. It made me see myself as someone with immense potential and power; whatever my shortcomings. The book also provides tips and strategies on how to work around my challenges so that each of them does not become a BIG deal.
There you go….needing help and reaching out to support systems and individuals who have more expertise than you, do not indicate weakness. It just makes you appear human because that’s what life is all about. Einstein was quoted to have asked people close to him what his own home address was.

The Meaning it Created for Me
My greatest grab from the book was this statement “What does a strong life look like?” …it is when a person succeeds in building his life around his/her strengths. As I read on, I felt totally empowered. I want to continue get ting up every morning feeling that I am doing what I love most…and with God’s Grace, I will achieve GREAT things!

My Son, My Hero

I Could Not Believe It Could Happen to Me…
I was on the way to fetch my son from his tuition class on a rainy night, when my car tire busted. It happened at about eight pm on the Damansara Road off the LDP. I was careless and accidently grazed the road kerb on the right causing the front tire of my Kelisa to cave in. I thought I could stop later, at some shop houses or service station when the dragging sound of the tire alerted me to the danger of veering out of control or worse, so the decision was made for me.

I parked a few meters away from a Durian roadside stall. The Durian seller thought he had a customer but when I asked if he could help, he assured me that he would once it stops raining.

Call for HELP!
I did what most people (who do not have the essential skills for emergencies like this) would do….call the Automobile Association of Malaysia or AAM. It was not easy to get connected to the toll-free number but when I finally managed it, the operator asked for the relevant details and location. Half an hour later, I called AAM to remind them again and was told that they will send someone soon.

Meanwhile, I made arrangements for my son to be fetched by a Taxi driver friend as my husband was away on a business trip. It was getting late, and it was still pouring incessantly and I was feeling quite frightened as there were now fewer cars on the road, so I called again to check whether AAM was able to provide the services or not and the operator reiterated that AAM will send help soon.

Shazmeer to the Rescue
A little later, my 16 year old arrived and we sat in the car while the rain persisted. I felt more comforted but tried AAM again. The usual answer came… “Someone will be there soon”. When the drizzle got milder, Shazmeer got out of the car, went over to the Durian Seller to ask for help to jack up the car.

Even though it was Shazmeer’s first time, within 15 minutes, he managed to change the tire, almost effortlessly. What a sight…needless to say, I was one proud Mama! The Durian man helped too. But Shazmeer’s accomplishments deserve a special mention. I hope he will always be proud of this moment.

I was Lucky…Thank God!
Just before we left, AAM called to ask for our location. I told them not to bother. …it was close to three hours since my first desperate call for help. What saddens me is that I was in dire need of help and sought the services of an organization which had promised to be “Your Number One Motoring Friend”. I shudder to think of some other lone women stranded perhaps on a less busy road waiting for help for that length of time. And if they are unlucky, we read about them in the news the day after.

AAM might be just a non-profit organization, but it cannot get away with sloppy services. We should always remain considerate Malaysians, but we should not tolerate slackers…